I'm just a Bitch like that
I look at this blog of mine as a Bitch Queendom. I am the Queen Bitch here. I have many years of experience being a successful Bitch. I have raised 5 darling daughter "Things" to be amazing Bitches. My best friends are Bitches.
Being a Bitch affords me the ability to speak my mind, passionately, sarcastically, succinctly...Almost never subtly.
I tend to think that I have lots of insight, having survived childhood sexual abuse, being raised by wolves (or a mentally ill, abusive mother, as it were), an absent father, who later committed suicide just weeks after meeting me, teen motherhood, teen marriage, an abusive marriage, single motherhood, cancer, twice, raising a critically ill child who blossomed into a superhero, more mental illness( by marriage), half a dozen kids (4 of whom survived teenagedom) and a child with cancer.
I have survived many things that lots of you have survived. My Sisterwife and Auntie Mum have also endured many of these things, and more...My point in all of this :
We don't offer our opinion or advice lightly. We don't speak in ignorance. We are educated, and strong. We fight for the under-dog, and for what is right. If we don't have the answer, we'll find it.
We all have a sharply tuned bullshit radars.
If any of us comes off as rude, or abrupt, it is not without reason.
If I have to step into a conversation where another member has to be protected from an aggressor here, it will likely end in someone being banned.
If this is a problem, find the unlike button and step to the left so others who know how to play nice can come enjoy this place.
We work hard to make this a safe haven for Bitches, and lovers of Bitches.
Everyone should be safe here...Whores, harlots, dimwits, broken-hearted, disgruntled, or just broken.... Any Bitch will be welcomed. We just ask that you respect one-another here.
Sincerely,
~The Bitch
Sisterwife
Auntie Mum
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
The Holiday weekend is officially over.
Christmas came and went with a rushed *BANG*.
I survived, but with minimal sanity left over.
I learned some things this weekend, things that I think every mother of 6 should keep in mind:
1) When preparing for Christmas (or any other gift giving holiday), budget.
I'm not necessarily referring to just money. Budget for your own sanity. Be sure to have enough "spirits" to last the entire season. For each child or houseguest, allow for one bottle per guest, or child per day. If I have 6 kids at home. and one in-law, that equals 7 bottles of liquid sanity per day on hand. Just in case. I'm not suggesting that you consume all 7 bottles, but it won't hurt to have them on hand. Just. In. Case.
2) Keep a separate calendar tucked away where only you can see it. Mark things like "2 more days until the little bastards are home for 10 consecutive days. Buy more wine", or perhaps mark the days that your dear husband will be home to help...annoy you. The entry might look like this "H#2 off today, plan on getting NOTHING done so you can attend to his "to-do list."
Keeping track of useless days is just as important as keeping track of your wine supply.
3) While you certainly have traditions that are important for you to share with your family, things that your mama shared with you, be prepared to let all of those things go. You will be lucky if you have time to pee or shower in the weeks leading up to that "magical time of year". It won't matter that you've skipped over these things, because frankly, as I've found out- NOBODY cares. Traditions went out with 8-track tapes.
4) When you think you are prepared, the shopping is done, the gifts are wrapped, the meal is planned...you're wrong. Some fuckwad is going to show up at your door with two extra guests, and act like it's a gift to you! Smile politely, excuse yourself and go take a fat tranquilizer, pronto! That is all that is going to save you from opening your mouth and leveling your mother-in-law. Remember, Christmas is not the day to air your grievances.
5) If you've got grown children and they only speak to you once a year, have your speech rehearsed for when they show up to "surprise you" too. Remember, you've got an hour or so of their time for the entire year to get your "mother's guilt" in. They won't listen anyway, but you'll feel better for having reminded them of the disappointment they've become.
6) When the day is winding down, the gifts have been opened, the food has been scarfed, feel free to feign ill and go lay down for a bit. Sometimes it's the only way to signal to your guests that you are done with their presence. It is also a way to get another magic pill in, so when you say goodbye, you don't rattle off the list of things you hate about your guests. Who cares if you think so & so is an emotional retard, or if la-la-la is a dysfunctional alcoholic. What matters most is, these people are finally leaving, and you can take your bra off now.
7) Don't expect gratitude. From anyone. In their eyes, it is your job to tirelessly clean, shop, prepare, wrap, decorate and plan. In fact, your family believes that it is your job to do all of these things without thanks because, after all, you do nothing all year long but lay around eating bon bons and playing Farmville. Just accept that you asked for this.
8) When other's send you sweet text messages wishing you the holiday's best, it is appropriate to ignore their stupid, empty messages. A texted "Merry Christmas" is equal to a texted "I'm sorry, but I want a divorce". It is empty and thoughtless. The only time it is appropriate to send a text greeting is when you are not sure if the recipient is in bed, screwing their brains out, and you don't want to be the dork that interrupts.
9) Social networking sites are not the place to be on Christmas day. If you are there, then you are obviously unhappy in your surroundings. Get off the sofa and go find something that makes you happy. Drive to the beach, Being stuck at home with people that you don't like is no way to pay homage to the season. If you can't do that, then sure, go ahead and play "Pot Farm", but be aware, your stalker will know that you are miserable on Christmas, and THAT starts a whole new set of issues.
10) Remember that the 24-48 hour period of "jolly-ness" will be over soon. Before you know it, you'll be sneaking leftovers, and cleaning up bits of ribbon and tissue paper, and figuring out where in the hell you are going to put all of that useless crap Aunt Hagatha bought for you and the kiddo's. Soon, your husband will leave for work and you will have control of the remote again. Soon, the smelly guests will leave, and you'll no longer have to be polite about how bad they stunk up the bathroom. Soon, you'll be able to sit "in your spot", and the kids will be back to fighting over who's turn it is to sit by daddy.
If I can survive, you can too...
And now you have notes, for next year- when you have to deal with this debacle all over again.
Happy New Year
~The Bitch
I survived, but with minimal sanity left over.
I learned some things this weekend, things that I think every mother of 6 should keep in mind:
1) When preparing for Christmas (or any other gift giving holiday), budget.
I'm not necessarily referring to just money. Budget for your own sanity. Be sure to have enough "spirits" to last the entire season. For each child or houseguest, allow for one bottle per guest, or child per day. If I have 6 kids at home. and one in-law, that equals 7 bottles of liquid sanity per day on hand. Just in case. I'm not suggesting that you consume all 7 bottles, but it won't hurt to have them on hand. Just. In. Case.
2) Keep a separate calendar tucked away where only you can see it. Mark things like "2 more days until the little bastards are home for 10 consecutive days. Buy more wine", or perhaps mark the days that your dear husband will be home to help...annoy you. The entry might look like this "H#2 off today, plan on getting NOTHING done so you can attend to his "to-do list."
Keeping track of useless days is just as important as keeping track of your wine supply.
3) While you certainly have traditions that are important for you to share with your family, things that your mama shared with you, be prepared to let all of those things go. You will be lucky if you have time to pee or shower in the weeks leading up to that "magical time of year". It won't matter that you've skipped over these things, because frankly, as I've found out- NOBODY cares. Traditions went out with 8-track tapes.
4) When you think you are prepared, the shopping is done, the gifts are wrapped, the meal is planned...you're wrong. Some fuckwad is going to show up at your door with two extra guests, and act like it's a gift to you! Smile politely, excuse yourself and go take a fat tranquilizer, pronto! That is all that is going to save you from opening your mouth and leveling your mother-in-law. Remember, Christmas is not the day to air your grievances.
5) If you've got grown children and they only speak to you once a year, have your speech rehearsed for when they show up to "surprise you" too. Remember, you've got an hour or so of their time for the entire year to get your "mother's guilt" in. They won't listen anyway, but you'll feel better for having reminded them of the disappointment they've become.
6) When the day is winding down, the gifts have been opened, the food has been scarfed, feel free to feign ill and go lay down for a bit. Sometimes it's the only way to signal to your guests that you are done with their presence. It is also a way to get another magic pill in, so when you say goodbye, you don't rattle off the list of things you hate about your guests. Who cares if you think so & so is an emotional retard, or if la-la-la is a dysfunctional alcoholic. What matters most is, these people are finally leaving, and you can take your bra off now.
7) Don't expect gratitude. From anyone. In their eyes, it is your job to tirelessly clean, shop, prepare, wrap, decorate and plan. In fact, your family believes that it is your job to do all of these things without thanks because, after all, you do nothing all year long but lay around eating bon bons and playing Farmville. Just accept that you asked for this.
8) When other's send you sweet text messages wishing you the holiday's best, it is appropriate to ignore their stupid, empty messages. A texted "Merry Christmas" is equal to a texted "I'm sorry, but I want a divorce". It is empty and thoughtless. The only time it is appropriate to send a text greeting is when you are not sure if the recipient is in bed, screwing their brains out, and you don't want to be the dork that interrupts.
9) Social networking sites are not the place to be on Christmas day. If you are there, then you are obviously unhappy in your surroundings. Get off the sofa and go find something that makes you happy. Drive to the beach, Being stuck at home with people that you don't like is no way to pay homage to the season. If you can't do that, then sure, go ahead and play "Pot Farm", but be aware, your stalker will know that you are miserable on Christmas, and THAT starts a whole new set of issues.
10) Remember that the 24-48 hour period of "jolly-ness" will be over soon. Before you know it, you'll be sneaking leftovers, and cleaning up bits of ribbon and tissue paper, and figuring out where in the hell you are going to put all of that useless crap Aunt Hagatha bought for you and the kiddo's. Soon, your husband will leave for work and you will have control of the remote again. Soon, the smelly guests will leave, and you'll no longer have to be polite about how bad they stunk up the bathroom. Soon, you'll be able to sit "in your spot", and the kids will be back to fighting over who's turn it is to sit by daddy.
If I can survive, you can too...
And now you have notes, for next year- when you have to deal with this debacle all over again.
Happy New Year
~The Bitch
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Movies that don't reek of Christmas...
The Hangover Part II (2011) http://imdb.com/rg/an_share/title/title/tt1411697/
I have to say, if you ever get halfway into a bottle of Pinnacle whipped cream vodka on Christmas Eve, this is the inappropriate flick for you!
By inappropriate, I mean, this will take your worries away.
The writers of this film have a truly warped standard. This is right up there with Bad Santa...another late-night gift wrapping standard.
It doesn't hurt to see Bradley Cooper in action. If like to see a little more of him in fact.
Anyway, this really want supposed to be a full blown review, but this film got horrible reviews, and I think the critics are all uptight asses.
A nyone else check Hangover 2 out?
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
In 17 days, I will be taking my beautiful, tall, smart, strong, brave daughter down to the Military Enlisted Processing Services center to hand her over to the US Army.
This is where she starts the beginning of the rest of her life.
This event is foreshadowing ALL of my days. I cannot get the details out of my mind.
Christmas is going to be bittersweet.
So, my dear Bitches, this is where my head is at.
Some days , it is all I can do to get out of bed.
Thing3 and I are amazingly close, and I am so proud, and totally excited for her-
But I am going to miss her with all of my guts.
So, my brain is disengaged.
Bear with me.
I'll return shortly.
This is where she starts the beginning of the rest of her life.
This event is foreshadowing ALL of my days. I cannot get the details out of my mind.
Christmas is going to be bittersweet.
So, my dear Bitches, this is where my head is at.
Some days , it is all I can do to get out of bed.
Thing3 and I are amazingly close, and I am so proud, and totally excited for her-
But I am going to miss her with all of my guts.
So, my brain is disengaged.
Bear with me.
I'll return shortly.
Monday, December 19, 2011
It's that time of year...again.
I (~The Bitch) have traditionally dreaded Christmas.
My family typically sucks the life out of me. I have NO relationship with my biological family. That gene pool is actually more like a cesspool. Infected with narcissistic, over-dramatic, back-biting, in-fighting assholes. They have been out of my life since I had my oldest child more than 20 years ago.
However, this year has been an exceptionally decent season. As soon as H#2 got back to work, after 3.5 years on disability, we were able to start paying down bills, and we can afford to actually go big for the kids. It's nice to be excited, instead of feeling inadequate for a change.
We are blessed.
I can only wish the same for those of you that are struggling right now. I know from reading some of your anonymous rants that times are tough. It WILL get better, beyond your wildest imagination. As my dear friend, SS TTSP says, this too shall pass.
My family typically sucks the life out of me. I have NO relationship with my biological family. That gene pool is actually more like a cesspool. Infected with narcissistic, over-dramatic, back-biting, in-fighting assholes. They have been out of my life since I had my oldest child more than 20 years ago.
However, this year has been an exceptionally decent season. As soon as H#2 got back to work, after 3.5 years on disability, we were able to start paying down bills, and we can afford to actually go big for the kids. It's nice to be excited, instead of feeling inadequate for a change.
We are blessed.
I can only wish the same for those of you that are struggling right now. I know from reading some of your anonymous rants that times are tough. It WILL get better, beyond your wildest imagination. As my dear friend, SS TTSP says, this too shall pass.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I've got to start somewhere...
...so it might as well be here.
I am never short on words- ever. In fact, I don't ofter Tweet, because I can't fit everything in my head into 140 characters.
This is going to be the very beginning of "our place". Welcome to the "Bitch Queendom".
Here, we are safe to be ourselves. I will certainly be myself. We'll hash out world issues, and argue about moral dilemmas. We'll make fun of idiots, and we'll stew over lost loves.
This is it Bitches. This is home.
For now...
I am never short on words- ever. In fact, I don't ofter Tweet, because I can't fit everything in my head into 140 characters.
This is going to be the very beginning of "our place". Welcome to the "Bitch Queendom".
Here, we are safe to be ourselves. I will certainly be myself. We'll hash out world issues, and argue about moral dilemmas. We'll make fun of idiots, and we'll stew over lost loves.
This is it Bitches. This is home.
For now...
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